It’s February of 2017; I’m okay.

Last year January, I expected everything would change on it own, and it did not.

I had to make that change happen, albeit I quit my job that I loved but it didn’t love me, I moved back to my hometown on my own decision, and everything I expected to happen didn’t happen.

My lola passed away, before I really had any time to spend with her. My boyfriend and I were not married, or engaged, I thought my siblings were selfish because they never had time to hang out with me. All my bestfriends were too busy to hang as well, or they left the country. I had no steady job except of that with my father. (like chef life work is more than 10 hours, my pop’s was a solid 6-8.)

I felt I was dumping alot on my Father and Rapha, I felt like they were the only ones I could talk to or could understand me. I felt like I didn’t really have a home because I got myself stuck  from going back and forth from Bacolod to Manila almost every weekend, until my spontaneous trip with a friend that I said “YES” to,  not that I planned it but I realised I had to take matters into my own hands and stop expecting the world to move around me to push me to do things for me and to me.

I did take matters into my own hands, I went on trips every week, I enjoyed working for my Pop, I created my own type of meats, I spent time with my siblings and their kids, I hung out with friends on their own time whenever they could because of their schedules, I genuinely cared about the lives of other people and what they meant to me and I thanked my Pop and Rapha for being there for me profusely. I also got close to an old highschool friend of mine, and he helped me build my personality back, made me stop being dependent or expectant on the people around me and basically kicked my ass when I was being a sap  and because he was a Chef too, I was open to his harshness and took his criticism, well we fought constantly but I accepted it.

When I “got back” to Manila my then-boyfriend proposed to me, and it’s still surreal! Everything I was hoping for, everything I was scared about, everything that made me cringe on the inside was moving forward and then I didn’t know how to deal with it, but I like him ALOT, and instead of him being my lifeline and marriage being the only way for my then-boyfriend to live was me; he proposed when I didn’t need a lifeline, when I was okay and I was sure of myself.

  • I also got new job by the way, it’s my 3rd week now, and things are looking up
  • I’m still friends with everyone from my old job
  • My fiancé and I are now semi-planning the wedding
  • I have a bestfriend, the type who will drop anything and everything (within reason, like doesn’t cause you your job or money)
  • I’m friends with all my old friends from highschool
  • The only thing I do regret is, I’m not any closer to my mom, and I feel like it’s something that I cannot fix but just accept. 😦

 

So, it’s always been #pazapaz for me, meaning #stepbystep tractor2016 was rough, and a blessing but it had to happen. 

 

 

 

 

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